Results from my research "sabbatical"

During my hiatus from the blog, I acquired new research tools and conducted some ground-breaking experimentation...

In my quest for knowledge about the nature of Feng Shui facts, I bought an interactive CD-rom (it is narrated and plays soothing music, which is known to put one in the mood to contort one's home decor) and a "365 Dos and Taboos" desk calendar. I have been trying to follow the daily advice though, admittedly, I am not yet wise enough in the ways of Feng Shui to perform all of the recommended tasks. For example, I fell short on January 4th, as I was uncertain as to what constituted an "enery cleaning of my home" (though I agree that it is advisable, as the chi has been somewhat stagnant around here as of late).

However, I have been somewhat more successful in the research that I have been conducting through my knowledge acquired by means of that venerable source, the internet. Here are some of the experiments and my findings...

Activation of the South Wall as means of increasing Fame and Wealth:
To-Do: Place red (I interpret that as "red objects") on your South Wall to activate it.
Procedure: I took the only "red objects" that I could find (my vaccum cleaner and a bottle of nail polish) and rested them up against the South Wall.
Results: Though I did not notice any increase in my Fame, nor any notable financial growth, it is worth mentioning that when I moved my vacuum cleaner and nailpolish back to their proper homes, shortly thereafter my stipend check arrived much later than scheduled (hmm...)

Rearranging Bedroom Furniture so that one is not "shot with secret poison darts" (by the corners of your furniture) while resting:
To-Do: Rearrange all of your bedroom furniture so that no corners are "pointing" towards your bed. This prevents your furniture from shooting secret poison darts at you while you are asleep--which, I have been informed, is detrimental to one's well-being.
Procedure: Move Furniture, Dodge Darts.
Results: Though my furniture failed to display any obvious agression, it is only a fool who leaves open the possibility. I can now safely assume that any physical maladies that I experience are due to biological causes, and not my irresponsible placement of furniture.

Proper Chi Cultivation and Maintainance:
To-Do: Chi is a crucial, if not picky, force to have in your home. The quality and quantity of chi in your environment dramatically affects virtually every aspect of your life: luck, wealth, fame, happiness, friendship, love, health (which you will need if you are careless with the arrangement of your furniture), knowledge, beauty, etc. Chi will move too fast (which is bad) if there is too little furniture, it will move too slow (which is bad) if there is too much furniture or clutter, it will be reflected out of any windows or doors (which is bad) if there is a mirror facing that way and it will escape through your plumbing (which is--you guessed it--bad) if you leave drains uncovered and toilet lids up.
Procedure: Chi apparently wants nothing more than to endlessly parade your home at juuuuust the right speed, bestowing all things wonderous upon you as it goes along its merry way. That is, if you get the too much/too little furniture balancing act right...and mind your mirrors...and plumbing, and... It is advisable to keep your home well lit (apparently this keeps the chi moving). Also, if you have so much clutter that it is difficult to navigate around your home, you may safely presume that your chi is experiencing the same difficulty (and presumably looking for some open plumbing...)
Results: This was my favorite experiment. It just so happened that I was having a particularly not-fantastic week (I mean, it really was a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day...seven times over). I just couldn't figure it out. I mean, I thought I had the right dynamic going with the furniture, I had activated the south wall, I was a pro at remembering to keep the toilet lid down...I was running out of potential causal explanations! Then, it occured to me...I moved my mirror into the living room when I was deciding what to wear to the department party (better lighting, more chi) and left the mirror there...for a week...directly facing my front door!!! Well, you can be sure that I learned MY lesson!

More research coming soon!